I was one of the few people who, when watching The Hitman’s Bodyguard, found myself enjoying it and even being excited at the prospect of the sequel. Yes, it was dumb and didn’t have a great script, but the chemistry between Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson paired with the over-the-top action was enough for me to have fun with it. Sure, everything about the second one sounded to be fine, but I thought surely, just like with the first one, the chemistry between its leads and the action pieces would make up for it.

Having now watched the sequel, Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, I will say that none of that happened. A bore from start to finish and maybe one of the worst films of the year. 

The world’s most lethal odd couple — bodyguard Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) and hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) — are back for another life-threatening mission. Still unlicensed and under scrutiny, Bryce is forced into action by Darius’s even more volatile wife (Salma Hayek). Soon, all three are in over their heads when a madman’s sinister plot threatens to leave Europe in total chaos.

I said the first film worked for two reasons. The chemistry between its leads and the action pieces. So what about those things in the second one?

Well, let’s just say they fail on every level.

If the first one relied heavily on Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds, the second one decides to pair them up and yet, not to. A lot of the good things that came up with the first one was that the chemistry between them was just so fun, their characters were such opposites that their interactions just worked. But this time around, by deciding to add Salma Hayek, it disturbs that thing that worked so well. Both are so concentrated on her and her character’s action that it ends up taking away the one thing that this film had going for it. Sure, they do have some great moments, but 30 seconds is not enough to save this film.

Hayek’s character during the first one was fun, she was there only for a few scenes, but it was clear that they were setting her up for more. Well, that doesn’t work. Her character is bland, and so over the top that she seems to be in another world completely. 

It’s incredible that with such an amazing cast, this film just fails them on every single front. How can a film with Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Morgan Freeman and Antonio Banderas be so horrible? I just don’t understand really.

Dumb films are fine. Hell, give me a dumb action movie and I will eat it up. (After all, I have gone opening weekend for every single Fast & Furious film.) But then you have to back it up with some good action. And this film does not have anything to look forward to. The explosions look fake, the editing and camera work are not great. I don’t want to say it but the one thing that could have saved this movie is just absent from it all. So many times I found myself laughing because it just didn’t work and even if it did, the way it was all edited just didn’t make sense.

And then there is the plot. I don’t even think it warrants any attention. If the first one had an outlandish story, at least it made a bit of sense. This, this one does not. I wanted to pull my hair out every single time they revealed more about the story. This could have been fun, it could have been good even, but instead, we are stuck with a story that is such a bore that you just want it to end. 

I laughed once during this film. I won’t spoil it, but be on the lookout for Samuel L. Jackson’s reaction to a reveal about Morgan Freeman’s character that had me in tears. This is a film that should have been funny but it was just recycled jokes over recycled jokes, always making the same ones over and over again, jokes that we have heard in other movies but also their own movie. 

I don’t think I have anything positive to say about this film, and that is rare, I always try to find the positive in everything. I know making movies is hard, it takes a lot of work from a lot of people who never get their dues, but sometimes some films should just never be made. This is just one of them.